Kraken is the definite form of krake, a word designating an unhealthy animal or something twisted. The phrase “Release the kraken!” became an Internet meme after the release of the 2010 trailer of the film “Clash of the Titans”.
Recently, I have been babysitting my youngest grandson. I was reminded of how much we, as parents, try to anticipate a child’s every need. We set him on the floor and surround him with pillows and soft blankets in case he falls over. He squawks and we start fixing food. He grunts and we prepare to change a dirty diaper. He learns something new and we are quick to praise him, take photos, and tell EVERYONE we know. We sing to him, we rock him, we love it when he falls asleep in our arms and we listen for his sweet voice when he awakens.
I was also reminded how much I still try to anticipate the needs of everyone around me. I’ve repeatedly told myself I need to let go, to release them to be on their own. In truth, I need to release myself first.
It isn’t easy. I want them to be happy, to live with fervor but to be responsible. I don’t want them to have to struggle in any way. If I could, I would prevent them any heartache or misfortune in their lives. I can’t. I want to but I can’t. Still, I try.
Now that they are becoming parents, they will begin to understand – just as I now understand my own mother’s struggles. I believe she couldn’t figure out how to release herself from that feeling of culpability. At times, she would feel resentment and withdraw in anger – other times, she would overcompensate and do too much. I want to gain a better understanding so that I can transition into an adult relationship with my adult children.
I’m learning – slowly but surely. I have no example to draw from so I am shooting in the dark. So – a little message to my children (who read my blog) please bear with me, if I seem distracted or quiet. I’m just trying to process my feelings and find my way to the promised land. I am a person as well as a mother and grandmother and my mind is constantly sorting, sorting, sorting.
Releasing the Kraken, in this case, does not mean releasing the monster so that it can devour everything in its path. It means, release the monster to the sea where it can swim freely.