Shower day

Today is a shower day.  Woohoo.  I’ve lost track of which day this is in the Covid19 Quarantine.  Suffice it to say, you begin to lose track of the date, day of the week and hour of the day….  I just know that I shower every 2nd or 3rd day and I really need some new soft fuzzy pants…the fur is wearing out on my current pairs.  Luckily, since I don’t see anyone but my husband, I can wear the Christmas “HoHoHo” pants…(fuzzy pants are a step above sweats and a downgrade from jeans – comfort wise they are on-point!)

I also have more than enough Covid Crafts for a table at the Christmas Bazaar – even though I am running out of supplies.  Amazing what you can do with a few popsicle sticks and some hot glue.

In other news, I’m losing eyelashes.  What. The. Hell.  I have a “bald” spot on each of my eyelids.  Lovely.  So in addition to being shower day, this is also false eyelash day – I’ve ordered magnetic false eyelashes through Amazing Amazon.  Never used them before so I’ll let you know how that turns out!

I am missing my grandchildren.  Last week I stopped in to drop something off at my Grandson’s house and it is amazing how strong the urge was to hug him and touch him – to kiss his ticklish neck.  Oh how I miss that.  But we didn’t touch and I didn’t stay very long.  So weird and sad.

We facetime all of them and chat a little but even that is losing its appeal.  It just isn’t the same as running, jumping, swinging, hiding, wrestling and cuddling.  The twins are growing so fast, they are smiling now.  This week was another grandson’s first birthday – we sang Happy Birthday over Google Meeting. He is walking now.  We missed our first grandson’s birthday in March – first time ever in 8 years!  Another two birthdays in May — doesn’t look like we’ll make it to those celebrations either.  It is heart-wrenching.

BUT we could be sitting at home wondering if those we love will survive coronavirus, if they will need a ventilator, if anyone else will get sick.  Instead of postponing birthday parties, we could be awaiting funeral arrangements.

Currently, our “Stay Home” order is in effect until April 24, if the new cases continue to go down.  I am hoping that by then we can start being together again – but it is dependent on PEOPLE staying home for a while longer even if it doesn’t SEEM necessary, even if it SEEMS like overkill.  If we extend into May, that will be hard.  I may just lose all my lashes by then!

But…there will be other birthdays to celebrate.  Other graduations.  Other dinner parties,barbecues and vacations. We can do this.

 

 

Here comes the sun

The sky is almost clear.  Just a few wispy pink clouds declaring the promise of sunrise.  I feel at peace knowing it will burst over that mountain in a few short hours.  This is a relief to me.  In recent days of sheltering and the unknown – the wind, the cold, the snow and sleet have been like a harbinger of doom wrapped like tentacles around my core.  I’ve been aching for the sun – full strength on my face.  Maybe today will be the day.

Last night there was a full, bright moon.  This morning it is quiet and clear.  There are deer in every field, cows quietly waking.  Not a dog barking and no tractors or vehicles moving about yet.  We are all waiting for the sun.

There is a constant ache in the pit of my stomach.  It is not painful, just troublesome.  Anxiety ready to flare if I give in.  How much longer?

Look at the bright side – it could be a zombie apocalypse!  Knock on wood…

I miss playing with my grandchildren the most.  Laughing, running, chatting about nonsensical things – pretending we are superheros or characters from Frozen.  And hide & seek – I love to hide, then jump out when they least expect it!  (Sometimes, I really scare them.)  And the babies – I miss holding and smelling them – kissing their soft cheeks, changing their diapers, talking in a baby voice.

Sometimes I want to just throw caution to the wind – but I won’t.  It is just a period of time, not a lifetime.  If one of us became ill, it would be devastating.  And if we were the cause of others becoming ill – with the risk of dying – it would be equally devastating.  It is difficult waiting but it would be more difficult if we NEVER got to see each other again.

Sheltering

When will this “sheltering” (lockdown) be lifted? What will happen when it is? Will our economy survive? What will happen to our retirement funds?  Will we still fit our button-up pants? The uncertainty is the worst.

No shit.  Thanks Captain Obvious.

Here we are on day 8 of sheltering in place (preceded by 14 days of Social Distancing) and I have enough craft projects completed to hold a bazaar!  Maybe I’ll do that once this is over…

My husband and I have not had to work very hard at adjusting to staying home, although we do miss our weekly trips to town for groceries and miscellaneous impulse purchases.  We miss seeing our kids and grandkids “in person” but we can facetime – so we can see them as often as we want.

Side-bar: My husband is a talker and I am a listener.  After years of retirement, we have settled into a routine of him talking as I pass through a room in his vicinity.  The conversation lasts as long as I’m in the room so if I’m feeling patient, I will stop and listen. If not, I will only slow down long enough for him to finish his current sentence. (I’ve got shit to do!)  I can tell that he hasn’t had the opportunity to talk enough because when we facetime he talks and talks and talks….like someone who just got out of solitary confinement.  (When I facetime, I want to see the grandkids and hear what they are saying or what they are doing).  Additionally, he tries to corner me as I attempt to quickly pass through the room!  You know, he wouldn’t be feeling this need to prattle if he talked to himself, like I do!  I will try to be more patient and let him out of solitary…listen to his fun facts.

Weather here has been typical of March, sunny – windy – snow – rain with wind – sunny – then more snow: all in one day.  This is not conducive to good isolation outcomes.  I am not one to walk in the snow, rain or cold – so I sit here staring out the window telling myself that TODAY I will just do yoga indoors (knowing full well that I won’t).

There are things I can do (and am doing) to make me feel better, more connected.  I try to have contact of some kind with my kids/grandkids.  I listen to the Brene Brown podcast (Unlocking Us).  I watch the new youtube channel SGN Some Good News by John Krasinski.  I look at houses on zillow and daydream.  I watch reruns of The Office.  I chat with my sister on-line.  I watch youtube craft DIY videos and try my hand at creativity.  But the days are long and getting longer.  I wish for the sun and some warmer weather.  A long walk in only a light jacket would be lovely.  Sun on my back, warm breeze on my face.

We will come back around, there will be barbecues, graduations, sports, church.  It will never be the same – it can’t be.  We’ll figure out what the our new world will be and I am so looking forward to it.